Scripts, frameworks and trainings for talking about race and racism with family, friends, coworkers and kids, and for repairing harm when you get it wrong.
Americans are finding it harder to talk with one another. In a Pew Research Center survey from September 2021, 59 percent of US adults said talking politics with people they disagree with is “stressful and frustrating,” up from 50 percent in May 2019 (Pew Research Center). By 2023, 84 percent said political debate in the country had become less respectful over the last several years, and 65 percent said they always or often feel exhausted when they think about politics (Pew Research Center).
The result is a lot of silence. In a 2020 Cato Institute and YouGov survey, 62 percent of Americans said the political climate keeps them from saying things they believe because others might find them offensive (Cato Institute). The hardest subjects are the ones people skip. In a 2019 Pew survey, about half of white (50 percent) and Hispanic (49 percent) adults said race comes up in conversations with family and friends at least sometimes, compared with 63 percent of Black adults and 66 percent of Asian adults (Pew Research Center).
Most talk about racism happens in small places: a joke at work, a comment from an uncle, a question from a 4-year-old in the grocery store. Many people stay quiet in those moments because they fear conflict or don't know what to say. Children pick up on race whether or not adults talk about it. Research cited by EmbraceRace found that babies as young as 3 months notice differences in skin color (EmbraceRace). In the same body of research, adults guessed that children start noticing links between race and wealth around age 8, but children begin putting those patterns together around ages 3-4 (EmbraceRace).
Talking still works. In a 2016 field experiment published in Science, a single conversation of about 10 minutes, in which canvassers asked voters to take the perspective of others, reduced prejudice against transgender people for at least three months (Science). Tough conversations about race follow a few repeatable patterns, and each one can be practiced. Learning for Justice teaches four moves for responding to bias: interrupt, question, educate and echo (Learning for Justice). Psychologist Derald Wing Sue and colleagues published “microintervention” strategies in 2019 for targets, white allies and bystanders (Sue et al.). Their four goals are to make hidden bias visible, disarm the comment, educate the speaker and seek outside support (Sue et al.). Activist and Smith College professor Loretta Ross defines calling in as “a call out done with love,” and her 2025 book Calling In lays out how to hold people accountable without public shaming (Ms. Magazine).
10 actions — for yourself, your community and the country. Start with one.
Print or save Learning for Justice's free Speak Up pocket card. It lists four responses to a biased remark: interrupt it, ask a question about it, explain why it is harmful and echo anyone else who speaks up. Pick the one move you are most likely to use and practice saying it out loud once this week.
Ask a question:
“What do you mean by that?” or “Can you explain why that's funny?” Share a story: “My coworker gets asked that all the time, and she told me it wears her down.” State a value: “I don't want jokes like that at this table.” Sue and colleagues' 2019 microintervention paper lists similar in-the-moment lines, including “Ouch!” and “Whoa, let's not go there.”
Before your next family gathering, pick one relative and one topic, and write down your opening question: “I've been reading about how police stops differ by race, and it changed my mind about a few things. Have you seen anything like that where you live?” NPR's Code Switch suggests softer openings, low expectations for a single talk and support from other people doing the same work.
Use EmbraceRace's starting points to answer a child's question about skin color directly. A sample script from NPR's Life Kit: “Your skin is brown because you have melanin. Everybody has some, but some people have more than others.” Then name unfairness when you see it in a book or a show, and ask your child what they notice.
Sign up for a free Right To Be webinar on Zoom. The trainings teach the 5Ds: distract, delegate, document, delay and direct. Some sessions focus on anti-Asian and anti-Black harassment, and one covers intervening at work.
If a coworker tells a colleague of color they are “so articulate,” use diversity trainer Diane Goodman's fill-in script: “I know you didn't realize this, but when you said she was so articulate, it was hurtful because it sounds like you expected otherwise. Instead you could just say her presentation was strong.” If you are not safe to respond in the moment, Sue's framework counts seeking outside support as a valid response. Write down the date, the words and who was there.
If someone tells you something you said was racist, thank them and hold off on explaining your intent. Then name what you did, apologize for its effect and say what you will do differently: “You're right. I repeated a stereotype about your neighborhood, and it hurt you. I'm sorry. I'm going to stop using that phrase, and you can tell me if I slip.” Loretta Ross's book and talks cover how to give and receive a call-in.
If you are white, find a SURJ chapter near you and go to one meeting this month. SURJ's “How to organize your people” webinars teach white people conversation tools and give time to practice with peers before talking to family and neighbors.
Invite a few friends or coworkers to read Loretta Ross's Calling In (2025) or adrienne maree brown's We Will Not Cancel Us (2020) one section at a time. At each meeting, each person reports one conversation they had since the last session and what they would say differently. Simon & Schuster publishes a free reading group guide for Calling In.
Give to EmbraceRace, which builds free resources for parents and educators on raising kids around race. Consider a second gift to Right To Be, which offers free bystander trainings.
James Baldwin published The Fire Next Time, two essays on race in America written as letters, including one to his 14-year-old nephew. Read more ›
President John F. Kennedy gave a televised address to the nation on civil rights, framing civil rights as a moral cause. Read more ›
President Lyndon Johnson announced the National Advisory Commission on Civil Disorders, chaired by Illinois Gov. Otto Kerner, after uprisings in Newark, New Jersey, and Detroit. Read more ›
The Kerner Commission released its report. It warned, “Our nation is moving toward two societies, one black, one white—separate and unequal,” and named white racism as a cause of urban unrest. Read more ›
Peggy McIntosh published “White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack” in Peace and Freedom magazine. The essay listed everyday advantages white people receive without earning them. Read more ›
President Bill Clinton launched the One America initiative on race in a commencement speech at the University of California San Diego. An advisory board chaired by historian John Hope Franklin promoted community dialogues and published a dialogue guide. Read more ›
Sen. Barack Obama gave his “A More Perfect Union” speech on race at the National Constitution Center in Philadelphia, responding to controversy over remarks by his former pastor, Jeremiah Wright. Read more ›
Attorney General Eric Holder, the first Black US attorney general, called the country “a nation of cowards” on race in a Black History Month speech to Justice Department employees. Read more ›
Alicia Garza, Patrisse Cullors and Ayọ Tometi created the #BlackLivesMatter hashtag after George Zimmerman was acquitted in the killing of Trayvon Martin. Read more ›
George Floyd was killed by Minneapolis police. An estimated 15 million to 26 million people joined Black Lives Matter protests in the US that summer. Read more ›
President Donald Trump signed Executive Order 14151, directing federal agencies to end diversity, equity, inclusion and accessibility programs. Read more ›
Pew Research Center reported that support for Black Lives Matter had fallen to 52 percent from 67 percent in June 2020, and that 72 percent of Americans said the post-2020 focus on racial inequality did not improve Black people's lives. Read more ›
Written by members of the Harvard Negotiation Project, this book argues that every hard conversation is really three: what happened, how everyone feels and what it says about who we are. It shows how to untangle each one.
A step-by-step method for conversations where opinions differ and emotions run strong. The authors focus on keeping the conversation safe enough that people keep talking instead of shutting down.
Duhigg draws on research about how people connect and sorts conversations into three kinds: practical, emotional and social. Knowing which one you are in helps you respond to what the other person actually needs.
Journalist Mónica Guzmán shows how to swap assumptions for curiosity when you talk with people whose views you don't share. The book is built around questions you can ask instead of arguments you can win.
Ripley separates healthy conflict, which helps people change, from high conflict, which feeds on itself. She follows people who got pulled into feuds and found their way back out.
Public radio host Celeste Headlee offers practical rules for listening well and staying present, from asking open-ended questions to admitting what you don't know.
Rosenberg's four-step process of observations, feelings, needs and requests helps people say hard things without blame. Mediators, teachers and families have used it for decades.
Ross explains how to hold friends, family and allies accountable without public shaming. The book draws on her decades of organizing, including work with former white supremacists.
Shop the Banned Books Book Club. Every book above links to our Banned Books Book Club shop on Bookshop.org, which supports independent bookstores.
A downloadable guide and pocket card for responding to biased remarks at school using four moves: interrupt, question, educate and echo. The approach also works for parents, coaches and coworkers.
Live Zoom webinars, 30 minutes to 1.5 hours long, that teach the 5Ds of bystander intervention. Sessions include trainings on anti-Asian harassment, anti-Black violence and workplace harassment.
Monthly webinars for parents, caregivers and educators on raising kids who are informed and brave about race. Recent topics include practicing healthy racial comebacks with kids.
A webinar for white people on having hard conversations about racism and politics with friends, family and neighbors. It covers who to talk to, conversation techniques and time to practice.
Novelist and essayist whose The Fire Next Time (1963) spoke directly to white and Black Americans about race. In 1965 he debated William F. Buckley Jr. on race at the Cambridge Union in England.
Historian and author of From Slavery to Freedom. He chaired the advisory board of President Clinton's 1997 One America initiative, which promoted community dialogues on race.
Psychologist and president of Spelman College from 2002 to 2015. Her books on racial identity development are widely used by parents and teachers.
Scholar at Wellesley College whose 1989 essay “White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack” listed everyday advantages white people receive. The essay grew out of her work in women's studies.
Counseling psychology professor at Teachers College, Columbia University. He published the first taxonomy of racial microaggressions in 2007 and later developed “microintervention” strategies for responding to them.
Reproductive justice pioneer, MacArthur Fellow and professor at Smith College. She popularized “calling in” and wrote Calling In (2025).
Seattle-based writer and author of So You Want to Talk About Race (2018). The book answers common questions people ask about race and racism.
Defines racial microaggressions and gives allies Derald Wing Sue's steps and Diane Goodman's fill-in script for naming the harm.
Examines the “I have a Black friend” deflection and data on how segregated Americans' friendship networks are.
Explains the bystander effect and connects staying silent at the dinner table or at work to larger patterns of harm.
A holiday-season checklist for talking with relatives about race, including setting consequences, leading by example and planning self-care before and after.
The Code Switch team answers listener questions about racist relatives. They suggest softer openings, realistic goals and finding peers who are having the same conversations.
Two NPR reporters and parents explain why staying “color silent” backfires with kids. The episode gives sample language for explaining skin color and responding to prejudice.
Loretta Ross discusses calling in as a way to hold people accountable through connection. The conversation covers parenting, privilege and public schools.
This 14-episode documentary series traces where the idea of whiteness came from and how it works today. It gives white listeners history and vocabulary they can bring into conversations.
Ross explains the difference between calling out and calling in. Listeners call in with their own questions about confronting people they know.
Every claim in this guide is cited inline. Here are all 37 sources in one place.
Anti-Racism Daily turns the news into something you can do. Free, and you can unsubscribe anytime.
Anti-Racism Daily is reader-supported. A gift of any size pays for the research behind guides like this one.